Our soul mates. How do we know when we've found him/her?
Recently, and I mean two weeks ago, my sister got engaged to be married May 3rd. But before this guy, Kristijan, she was engaged with someone else for a year and a half.
See, I keep asking myself how someone's feelings can change over night. She was dating a guy for four years, and she was engaged for a whole year to just end it all in two seconds. I know feelings can be misinterpreted sometimes, but I don't think my feelings can change that fast. Did she not love him? Why was she with him for four whole years? Those are still questions I can't come to understand the meanings of.
I guess I feel this way because I've been dating my boyfriend for five years. My feelings could never change in a heartbeat. So my question again, how do we know that one person is the one? That's a question, I guess, that only one him/herself can answer to oneself.
On the other hand, how do we know when we don't love someone anymore? That I think I can answer. Maybe it's when every time you see your significant other, you don't smile anymore. When they kiss you and you no longer feel those wonderful butterflies anymore. Or maybe it's when day by day goes by, and you don't see the meaning in everyday life as it always seems to repeat itself.
See, I felt like that once with my significant other. We got to a point where we'd see each other every day--it got repetative. I knew I still loved him, I guess I just needed a break; time to miss him. And what do you know, we took a two month break, and we were a completely new couple. We had much more to talk about and experiences to share. That was the best thing we could have done to help our relationship.
Anyway, I don't mean to keep boring you with my love life, I just though I'd put some thoughts into writing.
Elie, I know what you're saying about loving someone and then all of a sudden not. I'm so glad you have found someone you can spend all that time with and still have those feelings. My previous relationship was like that, except I was the one who's feelings changed. It wasn't just one day i stopped loving him. It took weeks and weeks of buildup and his unwillingness to change some aspects of his life that were so small they shouldn't have mattered. Then one day I had enough and finally ended it because I saw other people out there, friends that i had, that treated me better than he ever did. Although I was the one who thought we were soul mates.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, long story short, sometimes love makes you do crazy things. You have to roll with the punches. Hopefully your love life will always make sense to you.
I stopped worrying about all of that a long time ago. The minute you start to think you have an idea about any of it, it all flips on its head and kicks you in the face. I think so many different things go into it and each person has so many different requirements that it's impossible to give a formula that can predict such things. The best you can do is know yourself and hope for the best I think.
ReplyDeleteThis post really caught my attention, i guess we dont know who the rigth one is until we spend a good amout of time with that person and even then we doubt it. I guess he best solution to me is loving oneself more, I too have been in a relationship with the same person for six years i have not once stopped loving him but the butterflies and all that gets old, sure its nice to rekindle that fire,but only for things to go back to the same routine as always.
ReplyDeleteI was impressed that as a young woman you've began to discover power of allowing you mat to miss you. It works. That is why many of our elders established a tradition of waiting until marriage for mates to live together. They wanted the lady to get the contract before the man realizes he is tired of the his mate.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that married men and those shacking chase me harder than single men. I think it is because they are so bored seeing their mates daily.
I wish you love and happiness.
I think this was a really interesting post. My friend and I discuss this idea all the time... How we know when we find the "One." I think it is one of those things, we call it the "lightning bolt" effect. I think you just know. I've always felt this way, and perhaps it is because I watched too many love stories as a small child, but I know it's true... My parents were married three weeks after meeting each other... And they are the happiest married couple I know, and it has been that way for 13 years. I think when I meet that girl, there will be something about her that I won't be able to explain, but somewhere in the Ethers you'll always feel her there, and you'll know that you will always love her. I think the one is your best friend, but you are attracted to them in every way, and I do not mean to suggest that it will always be easy, but you know and never question that it will always be worth it. I think when you go in search of love, it too, goes in search of you... And when everything is right, you find each other and nothing else matters.
ReplyDeleteI love how many responses this blog got. You really hit a nerve. You ask an honest and blunt question: how do we know? And look at the response!
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